“Look after the senses and the sounds will look after themselves” from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
I’m struggling a bit at the moment if I’m really honest.
My pain and fatigue levels have gradually increased as the days have got shorter and the weather has become colder and wetter. I am finding it difficult to get out of bed each morning and to get going each day so I don’t feel that I’m making the most of my day.
It is time to take stock. When I’m feeling well I find it very easy to believe that the fibro has disappeared and the HMS doesn’t affect me so I don’t need to employ the self-care strategies that have helped me to feel so well.
So I am revisiting the notes I made at my Clinical Psychologist appointments, starting with the first appointment.
My first visit to the psychologist, Emma, was a revelation. I had waited 9 months to see her, but it was well worth the wait. She listened with compassion and concern. She had heard similar stories before, many times, and I didn’t have to defend myself, I just explained.
Long story short we discussed what I did, on a daily basis, to deal with my pain and symptoms. We discussed how I felt about the pain and what I found worked to help relieve symptoms. No judgement.
I came out of the appointment feeling happier than I had felt in months (if not years) and with some homework to complete before my next appointment.
My homework was to accept that I suffer from HMS and fibromyalgia so treat myself with compassion (!) and to pace my activities (?!!). Emma explained that I had to imagine that my energy was stored in tank, a bit like a petrol tank of a car. Resting and being kind to myself add energy to the tank, being active would (obviously!) use energy. I was to try and keep my fuel tank over half full.
So rest was to be my new best friend! Having spent most of my life ignoring what my energy levels were telling me and using rest as a reward for finishing a task, or list of tasks, so keeping my tank near the empty mark this was going to take quite a mind shift to achieve.
I plotted my energy levels throughout each day for a week on a grid, recording my level as a score out of ten with ten being full of energy and 1 being no energy. At the end of the week I could see a pattern emerge. That pattern is still the same today. Low energy in the morning, dipping during the middle of the day and rising to the highest point towards the end of the afternoon. The pattern hasn’t changed, just at the moment the scores don’t rise much above 5! Low energy understandably means high fatigue levels, and at the moment also coincides with higher pain levels.
So my challenge this week is to accept that my pain and fatigue levels are high and to treat myself with compassion. Also to pace my activities. It is easy to try and cram too many tasks into a day and not to leave rest times in between. I know the times of day that my energy levels are likely to rise so, in theory, I can plan appropriate tasks for those times. In theory!!